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In a search for love...

Love yourself first.

· Divorce - Separation,Relationships

I see so many people being on that 'searching' for love path. It doesn't matter if they are single, married, or just broke up with somebody. The story is repeating. They feel lonely. Deeply inside, they feel very alone.

The same hunger for love has single people, especially those who spread out lately with a long-lasting partner. So many people while being unhappy either in a marriage, partnership or while being alone is searching for love... 

I've been there. After divorce or separation, you are an easy piece to bite... 

What makes it more difficult is that you don't realize it. You do not admit that something doesn't feel right, that you feel lonely (and very often unhappy deeply inside) and you want something else.  

 

So you get into traps of the first man or woman who is - very often - using you or first woman or man which you meet, and you think it's true love before even checking it out. 

 

How? By checking it out upon real life, real situations, authentic conversation. By actions, by seeing what the guy or girl is doing, not saying. I repeat: not what she/he is saying or promising, but if he/she delivers the words in actions.

When you lack love, you are like a 'love vampire' the first blood (potential love) you see you 'drink' it.

Quite often, you expect too much because you need somebody to prove that he/she wants you. Why? Maybe you feel not enough. Perhaps you feel lonely, and you don't even realize it that you are trying to feel better by 'outsourcing' the solution to the problem. By imposing your fears and your needs into the new person.

Be aware of the place you are and of the state you feel.  To be able to create later a real partnership where both sides are for each other, you might choose to take a few steps before you get into another relationship. You might decide to work on yourself and 'pass' a few tests before...

Not many people can solve their own shit. It requires courage. And it requires being single/alone for a while. Not many people can be alone for longer time… but if you do let yourself to be with you and only you for a year or two (I still believe you need at least one year to solve your shit; by the way, it took me three years, not one...).

If you do (let yourself being single for a while), then I have a few tips for you because being alone can be an excellent use:

  • Being alone for a while is great. It is the perfect time to heal, as much as you can. Yes to heal and deal with your shit from the past. Past wounds and 'victim stories' (e.g., victim story: I'm not happy because he/she was nasty to me…). Go for a workshop, therapist, coaching, at this point, it is essential to start self-work. Heal you 'wounded' past.
  • Instead of searching for love and while waiting for love, focus on yourself, on uplifting yourself. By rejuvenating yourself, you higher the chance of meeting a more exceptional partner for you. Develop your strength in every area of your life. Step by step - every day.
  • Relax, watch movies, take a long bath, run or do anything makes you feel balance again. Use this time for yourself. 
  • Build friendships. Invest your time in it, unless you need to be alone. That is also fine.
  • Being alone is also an excellent time for things like house redesigning.

There is plenty of things you can do while enjoying the 'I am alone' time. Know yourself. Discover yourself again. See what you can redesign inside you and outside you.

Remember the love will come. But it's not something you can force. It is something you can work on by meeting new people, by discovering who can be a match for you and who can't. When you are ready you take a leap for the next chapter in your life.

In the end, it might be worth to wait and while waiting to connect yourself with yourself. To make your life greater by changing your habits and learning how to master your emotions.(Read also: https://www.ulinity.com/blog/how-to-be-the-master-of-your-own-moods).

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