Would you like to master your own states?
If so, you might like this piece.
Have you ever felt fear?
A paralysing… long lasting… tunnel of fear?
Looming anger which, you feel is going to blow like a bomb in any moment. Destroying you from the inside out.
Emotions. The Powerful Unruled forces of Human Nature.
It might be quite helpful to be able to manage own moods.
To become the master of own emotional states.
How does it work?
It's simple: You manage them, not the opposite.
It's possible. This is a matter of awareness and a practice.
In my life practice, the way I do it is hard way but let's skip 'the my story' this time…
Let's start with a Short Term and Simple instruction:
Here’s a Few insights to follow/remember:
- Any state is just a state. It means that it comes and goes away. The 'goes away' part is crucial here. We tend to forget about it.
- When it comes, let it flow, and at the same time do not stick to it. What does it mean? When you see the dandelion clock parts flying around you just observe them right? Do exactly the same with your states. Just observe them. Remind yourself that it is just a state. It comes and goes away. It does. It always does.
- If it stays for too long…
Grab it and look at it and see it. How? Try to give it its name. Which emotion is it?
Am I angry? Am I sad? Or maybe I'm hopeless. I'm tired. What is it? Name it until it feels like you captured the right state. When you are in this state there is a temptation to run away from it (to the conversation, or to do something else). I’m not saying it’s bad (it is also part of a practice to use help when needed).
What I want you to learn this time is to learn how to be the master of your own moods.
- Breathe. If it still stays just do not run away. In this moment, you give it acceptance - yes acceptance. It will most likely go away now :-) Breathe when it comes. You will feel stuck in it or panic (definitely not comfortable). Stay in it and breathe, deeply until it melts or goes away. It works if you do it for longer… a minimum of 5 minutes of deep breaths.
- If not? Yes. It's still possible to change your moods. Easily actually. The secret is to FOCUS on something else. Like really something else. The goal here is to practice changing your focus – this is not about running away from emotions. It is about learning to be able to focus on the right thing for you. If you need to do something important – let’s say you have an important meeting, and before the meeting it happened that your mood was really bad. This is the moment I want you to practice your ‘changing of the focus’. If you practice it – your mood can change for a better one in just a few seconds.
Do not give it more attention than is needed.
Trust me – changing your focus works. Always.
If you need to change your mood quickly because you have something important do to. You can do it easily this way (after little bit of practicing!).
The Harder Practice. The One Which Will Make You; The Master.
When you feel stuck, really stuck in a negative state for what feels like a long time and/or if it keeps coming back…
You might feel emotional or you have been crying - you can change your mood to normal again.
Remember: States are like cycles and they have stages in these cycles.
You will notice it next time after reading this.
Do not stop for too long in one stage of the cycle.
So, you are smashed away by a negative state and you want to move on.
Before the wave hits you again do this:
Let's take a stage of feeling loneliness as an example:
It is scary to be alone. I know that. But. Next time before you panic and run away from this feeling of loneliness do this (and please do not run away before you hit the ground, really)
- Stay there. If it comes and you want to cry, you want to scream or you do nothing and feel pain inside. Stay there.
- I assure you it will go away. Anything you feel now will go away, will transform. You do nothing. At the same time, it is very important that you do not focus on it too much.
- If it stays with you to too long. Say okay, I got this. Say ok step by step. That's enough. I'm going to change this. And you stand up. And do something.
- It can be listening to music - the right music not any music. Go to the shop. Whatever you like. Surf on internet for new furniture and redecorate your apartment . Or start tiding up your place. Move. Change comes with movement.
- Move on. Cry. Stand up. Move on. Fall, cry, stay there, get up, move on.
This technique is about jumping into the storm and mastering it from the inside.
You do it and at the same time you observe yourself gaining insights into what worked for you and what didn’t. You use these insights next time, implement them and with each experience… you become…. The Master of your Own Moods.
Two Long Term Practices
It is even better to add – to the above - two long term practices:
1. Your body. It must be strong. Choose it to be strong. Make it strong.
Your body is another key to being the master of your own moods.
Train your body. It is a vehicle for your emotions. It contained them.
You can help yourself by training your body. I mean physically. Normal physical exercise.
There is this saying "in a healthy body the spirit is healthy".
You know why?
I believe and observe that people who exercise (whatever kind of sport it is) they are very strong mentally as well. It is simple and very obvious and doesn’t requires explanation. The challenge here is that you need to use more discipline, self-motivation to do it. The same qualities are needed to master your own moods. The moment you get there after exercising for few weeks - you will feel different and you will know what I'm talking about.
2. Detox Yourself. Regularly.
Emotions are like toxins. Stress Hormones. You may read about it a lot.
They change your blood into a dirty river. That's why you have to detox. This is also simple.
- Drink water. A lot. Simple. Water always helps a lot.
- Take a Bath with salt. It's simple and salt is easily available.
- I will not mention the way you eat. It is so obvious and there is so much knowledge about it available. Fat food makes you heavy. End of story.
3. Detox from toxic people as well.
Yep. Important! Well… we absorb a lot from others. You are not a rubbish bin so you do not have to observe and contain leftovers from somebody elses life.
When our mood is bad, we tend to think that it will stay like this for a long time and we start to complain or say it is bad and it will be bad for a while.
You will be surprised how quickly it is possible for you to change your mood or state.
You just don't forget about it and that's the block.
Actually, very often you are the only one who blocks it.
I will repeat this: it is possible to change mood from very, very bad to very, very good in less than an hour. It is a matter of the practice - from the moment your brain and body learn it - it will be the new habit.
When you believe it – it becomes possible.
You can Become the Master of your Own Moods.