Dare to be single!
If you are single, you are fortunate. You have a unique opportunity to be with yourself fully. To face your wounds, fears, and dreams by yourself. While you are single, you cannot say: I acted like this or like that because of him/her; I couldn't do it or achieve it because I had to compromise. It's you and only you.
Focus on self.
Use a single time well. Focus on yourself. Focus on searching your own truth. Find what you need in yourself. Find a feeling of peace with yourself.
Important notice: while being single, be single and do not wait for your dream love or super partner who will save you from being single or make you feel X,Y,Z. Stay open for love to come but do not wait, do not think about it every day. Waiting for somebody creates tension, and this state doesn't let you fully be present and accept where you are right now with yourself. Don't take me wrong, you can send a wish to the universe to help you meet the right partner, but make a wish and then do not actively wait, instead of this be with You and use this time well.
Even if you feel very lonely, don't act like a desperate person. Somebody will think you are desperate, and either way, he/she will use you, and most likely, you will end using each other. Love is about giving, not taking or using each other.
I have been single for almost 5 years now (with one break for 9 months relationship, which was more like a lesson - on the way - than relationship). These 5 years were the most precious time for me. I had a unique chance to find myself, to find my truth, to heal what I needed to fix. Now I am in the moment of life where I feel intense happiness coming from me. I know exactly what I want from life. I started to do many things for me and because of me.
We single people are courageous. We dare to stand for ourselves. Remember that.
Yes, you will feel lonely sometimes. Sometimes this feeling of loneliness will be harrowing. But let it be like it is. I promise you this feeling is temporary. And the more you let go, the less pain you will feel. Today I do not feel it as something negative at all.
When I was in a long relationship (13 years) at the end of this (even though I didn't know it was the end), I felt so so lonely … I felt unhappy and didn't know why, as I had everything that they say the modern human being is supposed to have to be happy (great family, great job, loving husband and so on..). But I felt way more lonely than in the worst moment of loneliness while being single.
Being with somebody when you are not ready to be with yourself can be a tricky illusion. The illusion of feeling full of feeling that your needs are fulfilled by somebody else. ( I am not saying that fulfilling somebodies need is terrible, I'm just saying it is easy to be tempted to be with the wrong person just because of he/she is doing that).
I know so many people who jump into new relationships, and they create similar suffering, similar patterns, and they are again and again unhappy.
I am so pleased when I see people in love. To see truly loving and respecting each other couples is still a rare view. So when it happens to me that I meet happy couples, where I feel true honest love and connection, I stop, and I am present with gratitude and with a deep trust that I will meet my profound love one day. This is the moment when I feel it, and I know it.
During this time. It gives me great pleasure, and it is a learning which captures me for hours and hours.
Being single gives you a lot of spare time. You can reorganize your life in a way that will provide you with tons of free time and pleasure.
Become happy and stay happy.
When you touch this source of infinite joy (it will happen if you make all I wrote above;), it will stay in your memory, and you will not let go of this when you meet a new person you will know if you are at least as happy as you were or even more. This is the simples' measure' - of recognizing new partner - You will feel natural, at easy around him or her. You will feel good. You will grow, not shrink. It is effortless.
I promise you the love will come, especially when you do feel full and happy again, you will attract the right partner for you.
With love, Ula Banasik
Photo: Pedro Fernandes